all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
