i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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