So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
