Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
