So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
