It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
