my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
