You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
