i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
