i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
