I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
