Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
