oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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