why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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