the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
