Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
