Pants 0. Shit 1.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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