Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
