Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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