Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
