i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
