I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
