her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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