So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
