the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
