I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
