I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You took a bar mat shot.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
