I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
