i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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