idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
