He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
