After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
