the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
