You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't put those talents on a resume
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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