Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
