You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
