dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
