capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
