there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
