why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
