her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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