1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
