i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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