OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
