Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
