I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize