All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my poor anus
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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