i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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