I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
