I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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