hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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