A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
