You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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