brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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