Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude. I can hear the air.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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