textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want to fling myself into the sun
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
