Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
