I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
