Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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