i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
