In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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