Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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