she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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