Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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