She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my poor anus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
