apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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