I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
